the last of my marriage

Melanie looked at him. She searched deep in his eyes for answers that would never come. She didn’t understand how things had turned so bitter; how her life had changed in just a blink. Inside she felt as though her heart was crying out for help. She felt as though her heart screamed in vain; that no one could hear her scream. His big dark eyes starred at her. It had been a while since they starred at her. In fact it had been a while since they looked at her at all. Sometimes she thought they didn’t notice her at all. Today they starred at her the same way they had starred at her five years ago on her wedding day. Today was however a very different occasion. Today they had nothing to celebrate. It was regret and not happiness that she felt now. It was heartbreak that lingered in her mind. She felt as though she was looking at a different man; as If he was not the same man she had locked eyes with five years ago. And then it all came back to her. She remembered everything like it had happened yesterday.

 

She remembered their wedding day. She had been the happiest woman on the planet and he the happiest man. Her father had walked her down the isle; he had been so happy for her. He knew he was sending her off to a good man. She knew he believed that when he died. He had been a victim of leukaemia and had surrendered to it three years ago. Then, she and Rick had been married for two years. He had been the most supportive husband. Melanie loved him then, she loved him now, but things were different now. Things had changed now. It was a different kind of love tat she felt now; a more matured love. Almost as if this love had reached its ultimate maturity. It was the only thing that explained why she still loved this man. Nothing else could explain it.

 

She remembered their honeymoon. It had been a year later. They hadn’t the money to go on a honeymoon when they got married. She remembered how she dressed in her wedding dress and he in his wedding suit. She remembered how they had repeated their vows in their bedroom the morning before they left to Mauritius. They had saved for this trip for two years before the wedding and a year after that and finally they were going on the honeymoon of their dreams. She had loved him then; and she still loved him now; with a different kind of love. She had been happy on that honeymoon. Her eyes had glittered with happiness; and they glittered now, only this time with tears and as she looked across, she saw that his eyes too glittered, not in the same way they did four years ago, they glittered with painful tears.

 

And then she remembered their married life. It had been glamorous. They had danced in the living room of their apartment which was not of any form of luxury. They never had much; never had enough, but they had each other. They had sang and danced in that apartment like it would be the last time they danced together, neither of them being much of a dancer, but dancing as if they were famous dancers  Martin and Donnelly Adams. Rick was a better singer than she, but she always dared to challenge him to a singing competition. They had laughed together and they had been happy; very happy. That was until two years ago.

 

Tears streamed heavily on her cheeks when she thought about it. They were great until she lost their firstborn child.  She was three months pregnant when she had that miscarriage. She had cried every night since. That is when things changed for them. Rick had always wanted kids and when doctors confirmed their worst fears, it had broken him in ways that made her feel guilty. It was her after all who couldn’t carry full term. It was her problem. They drifted away in ways that she had failed to fix. From that moment on, Rick had never been the same. He had given into alcohol and had beaten her in his insanity. He had called her names and mocked her for being unable to give him children.  The pain she felt now; it was all because of this. All those words he had said to her, they had scarred her too deep. It felt as though they had taken away her womanhood. She too was to blame. In her darkest hour she had sort comfort in the wrong company. She had kissed another man.  She didn’t love him and rather felt nothing for him, but she had committed that one mistake; that three- seconds kiss that haunted her. He too had brought in another woman into the picture. She felt hurt and betrayed, but had stayed with him; all because she loved him.

 

All this could have been pardoned six months ago when Rick had apologised to her. She had loved him then; she loved him now. They had tried to fix their relationship, but there was too much pain; too many tears. There was not much of a marriage left there. She couldn’t love him the same way. He had tried very hard to fix it all, she had too, but her heart had given up. She had given up on their love; their friendship. It was all over for her and then she looked at him again; this time crying more than ever. Reaching across the table she grabbed the pen and his head shook in disbelief and the she signed them and handed them to him. She stood up to go and looked at him as he cried in a way she had never known. There he was, her now ex-husband. He sobbed heavily and her heart broke, but it was too broken to be fixed. Their marriage was over and she walked away feeling happy but broken. Love wouldn’t be enough to fix them.  She closed that door for the last time. It had been home for five years. Now it was just an apartment with bitter-sweet memories. Rick stayed inside and looked around with the divorce papers in his hands. He did not sign them. He felt as though they still had a chance, but to Melanie, it was all over, all gone, it was the end.