Don't come looking for me

Before you set out an army to find me
I want you to recall our last encounter
Remember the tremor of my soul
That coupled with goosebumps in my chest
Before you decide to come for me
Remember all those cold nights we had
The quietly whispered fights that shredded only our tears and broke only our hearts.
All those cold words that cut to our guts.
Awakening only that which would burn our souls
So before you come looking for me
Listen rather to your heart
Whose brokenness fights to anchor you still.

Do not come looking for me
Even when the sky turns black
And you recall all the rain we danced so colorfully to
Do not hold your hand out for me
The part of me that loved you fiercely is gone
My hand tremors in your presence
I'm aware of all that beauty we were
I'm convinced of all the pain we left
So don't come looking for me
I will not take your hand

Listen, beautiful things seize with time
Even roses whither with age
Some things end with genuine "I'll miss you" 's
Truly meant but, never implied to hold
So don't come looking for me
I have truly love with you, neither falsely, nor infinitely

pieces of my soul

Don't be afraid to hold my hand.
these cuts and blood are only a failed attempt to fix my soul
Worry rather about that pieces on the floor.
That fire that was my soul is as sharp as a blade.
See, all that love i once felt inside.
Its scattered across this dirty floor.
Listen, these pieces dont confront my fear.
Ive survived even the wildest storms.
I have lived with a broken heart half my life.
Surviving only on parts and pieces.
This soul may never feel the same again.
But somewhere in these pieces I still reside.
Breaking, broken, but here alive.
Dont worry about all this love lost.
Ive never fully known its worth.
Its been unexplored all my life.
Two loves Ive known since birth.
The warmth of a mother's love.
The highest was nailed up on that cross.

beyond the value of my skin

I watched myself get consumed by you
With that scent that was almost never new
Almost always mine, but never really ours
I sold my soul to you
Covered up all that hurt with desire
Because my mind was screaming pain that my heart feared to feel
I sold my soul to you
Broken as it were
And you a willful buyer
I gave my body to you
Never asking in return
Because i did not need you to love me
But my soul begged for recognition
I gave you the corners of my body
To explore, to desire but never to love
Love would be too hard on my soul
This piece is not about desire
This is a poem about recognition
I needed you to see beyond the sky high walls
That so roughly cover my heart
I needed you to see the human, even when you couldn't love her
She did not need any loving
She needed someone to see her
I sold you my broken soul
You a willful buyer
Who failed to recognize my worth beyond the contours of my skin

In the name of love

Love, may you grant me a little time to breathe
May you untie my wrists for eternity's length
I experienced you wrath before i knew your worth
From my mother's womb, i felt your inflicted pain
When my mother's fragile bones hit on that wall
I felt you incubated kindness when she whispered a promise
An unkept promise of hope to my unformed bones
Only to feel you wrath when her skin bruised blue
I felt your shadow before i knew your presence
So, give me a little time to breathe
Before i am completely consumed by your waves
I watched my mother die for you
I buried her exhausted soul in your name
For her i choose to live

Don't sent me any flowers today
Don't write me love letters of false romance
You do not know the roots from which i was birthed
The soil that anchors my being is laid upon a crust of hurt
My soul was conceived in tears and born of pain
See, i have seen these scars , experienced their wrath before
I cried over them on my birth bed at sight of my mother's face
I first knew those scars before my eyes saw the world
Do not hand me those flowers
Even when their rosy pink clearly intoxicates me
I will not let you make pain from such beautiful creations
Watch me leave, walk away
My daughters will not bury me in your name
I'd rather have life than roses of false hope
I will not die in the name of love

Healing Home

Our bodies are carved with scars of survival
Our wounds are yet to stop bleeding
There is no place for our pity
The ceilings are low and the air is thick
We have lived our whole lives in survival
Running, and sinking, barely breathing
We have known that we were conceived in pain
Born with pain engraved in our souls
Forced to live in fear of love
We have survived our fate but our bones are yet to heal
Our souls have grown weary
There are thorns on our pathways
The walls are covered in blood
My heart presses down on my chest
The pit of my stomach feels heavy
I can feel my throat closing up
Healing requires experience
Experience of a past we wish to escape
To feel the pain of yesterday
Experience the grief of that choking past
Until we feel the fear disappear
There is no cookies and warm milk here
This house is filled with dispersed pain
This home feeds of our broken souls
Until we attain desired peace
There are no flowers here
This house requires we grow our own
Until anger or forgiveness is ours too keep

hi guys

this week on the blog il be sharing poetry on domestic violence and sexual assault.Apologies for being AWOL for quite some time. hope you enjoy it. thank you for reading